Struggle with the idea of leading? Question why God would bless you with a wife or family only to have them ignore/resist you? Feel inadequate compared to others you know or what you think the head of a household should be?
Trust me, you are NOT alone.
I have been blessed with a wonderful wife and 2 beautiful children, a son and a daughter, and a successful career. I was raised in a Christian household and saved at a young age. God has been far greater to me than what I have ever deserved. Yet, for the first several years (and lets be honest I’m still a work in progress) the thoughts I had about what it meant to be a husband and father were WAY off course. The crazy part? I was still a “good” man by almost any standard! I didn’t cheat, I have always held a job and provided for my family before myself, I have never been abusive, My family regularly attended church, but for some reason things didn’t feel quite right. I never felt like my family was under my authority. I never felt like I was given the proper respect that I deserved. I never felt like I was being put first or at the top where I was supposed to be. And that, was my ENTIRE problem. I was expecting my family to submit to me without me First submitting to God.
1 Peter 5:5-6 “Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all [of you] be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:”
KJV
I wish that I was able to tell you that I suddenly had this epiphany and realized what I needed to do and it’s been all sunshine and daisies ever since. But, as many lessons from the Bible show, stubbornness and pride will cloud what God is trying to tell you. Our marriage seemingly went from honeymoon phase to rock-bottom within the blink of an eye. But the reality is that there were countless nights of both of us being unhappy and slowly pushing each other away. We knew things weren’t good, we knew things weren’t even okay, but instead of communicating about it we kept silent and let the enemy creep into our minds. Misguided views of what the other was supposed to be “doing for me” quickly lead to deep resentment. Within the span of a year things spiraled so quickly that we found ourselves staring at one another trying to decide if it was even worth it to stay. THEN it hit me. I was trying to do everything MY way, not His way. God had to allow my whole world to be rocked and pull me off of the imaginary pedestal that I had placed myself on in order for me to finally see the full picture of what it means to lead a family according to HIS plan.
Gen 50:20 “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”.
We had decided that we weren’t done. We DO Love each other and that we were willing to fight for it no matter what it took. What was meant to tear us apart had only made us realize that we needed each other more than we ever knew. I also saw that this wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough that we were just willing to stay, that we were willing to “try and make it work” I HAD to step up and take control or we would end up coming back full circle. It’s taken a good bit of time, a lot of prayer, some counseling and mentoring, and a TON of self examination but I was able to reach base point to Find the Strength I needed to lead my family. In the coming weeks we will dive deeper into everything but I can say with absolute certainty that if you are struggling to find your identity as the leader, a husband, or a father it absolutely can be done.
Father I pray for the brother who is struggling to find his strength. I pray that he may look to You for guidance and understanding. Help him to understand that the burden is not his to carry alone. Help him to understand that his troubles can be taken to You. Help him to know that through YOU he IS strong, that he IS fearfully and wonderfully made, and that he CAN lead his family.
It Begins at Home 